Pointless Pursuit

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

this is how (2)

This is how I forget about you

I don’t know about you guys but my brain sometimes will have a mind of its own.tsk. It will tend to think/remember, particular things and particular events that connects to particular people that I would prefer to be as lost and forgotten as those things I memorize in chemistry classes in secondaryschool.

In the case of the chemistry knowledge that I have no idea or whatsoever rite about nau, I manage to forget about it coz it has no significance to mai life watsoeverr lalala. Similarly, in the case of forgetting 'you';‘you’ is also (a) non-significant imaginative character(s) in my life that exist(s) with make-believe positive effects on me. because they share the same characteristics of non-significance; they should come to the same outcome: they are forgotten.but....

but frankly speaking, if you are me, and you are wrting about a ‘you’ tht you thnk you hv forgotten abt, don’t u think that u shld think that u haven’t actually forgotten the ‘you’ coz you are actually having this thinking about forgetting the ‘you’ that if you have forgotten shouldn’t really be in your thoughts in the frst place? And you wonder…..

this is how I (haven’t) forg(e/o)t(ten) about you.

this is how

This is how I built up memories.

Every memory in my life time will be reinforced into long term memory if it’d be related to any song in particular. Some songs will remind me of the past times during in which I had repeatedly played those songs. Music just plays a big role in my life.

For example, this Modest Mouse album “the Moon & Antarctica” will remind me of moments I stand alone in that empty office. Boulcott Street? Is that the way to spell the name? *I know—shameless English teacher* and I remember how I lost my focus for awhile; looking out of the window, thinking about life and what actually make us happy and sad… I remember the feeling.

I remember the old guy too that at times will stay back for maybe some extra work. He looked like he’s gona retire soon. He also looked like he has this whole routine looking at his desk and the things on it and around his cubicle… but he also looked empty. But who am I to judge. He probably has this colorful n exciting life; stories to tell and maybe plans for the weekend to some exotic island with his mistress.

I also remember the other building where I clean too on Willis Street. Especially the moment where I was going to call it a day, and I was tired and I will slowly sat there on the floor in front of the toilet; got my handphone out, and text my energy out of my head…does that even make sense?

So that’s how I built up memories—connecting them to repeatedly played songs.

And next time around, when I listen to the whole “First Impression on Earth”, I will remember the days when all of this happened so fast and for all I know, I was the perpetrator of a really shitty act and was sentenced without even having any chance to say anything. But that’s just how things go around here.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

hey.

the things you hold on to

teardrops

the art of forgiveness

ambal

Yeah. Havent been lucky with words lately. Nothing sounds as good inside my head when it comes down on webpaper

I dunno what that implies tho. Perhaps my life is more exciting now, thus i don’t have the urge to update my blog just for the sake of killing time. Or,on the other hand (and a more logical reason too), my life just got more boring thus i have nothing to say or tell. Or—maybe i think double as much as i did before and that leads me to stop half way through an entry because i analyze it over while typing it down and decided that it sucks even before I finish it. Or maybe it’s just not fun to write anymore.

Or what if, im starting to lose even my basic vocab and thus I stop updating blog coz writing will only cause more frustration. where’s my head again?

Well.

Radiohead—grammy—15 steps. Just awesome.

And ME?
a new ‘how I met your mother’ fan. I now have 5 imaginary friends.
Still sleep-deprived.
Still is the happiest human being in the world.

Friday, February 6, 2009

cuba

Enda’ la.
Bukan.

Ini bukan pasal hati. Ini pasal pikiran. Ini pasal ilham dan ingatan. Ini pasal kemudi bintang2 malam yang bawak aku pulang. Ini pasal refleksi diri. Ini itu menulis di waktu malam masa orang lain tidur. Ini itu pasal mencari tanpa berjumpa.

Kesian sama kelkatu. Cari cahaya, pastu mati sama-sama cahayanya. Tapi enda’ apa. Itu tuju durang. Itu mau durang. Kita ni manusia, bole juga sama juga sama si kelkatu. Kita mau cari cahaya kan. Kita pun; kalau dipikir-pikir, kita pun mau mati macam kelkatu yang mati sama cahayanya; kita pun mau mati sama cahaya kita.