I wana have fun

I often have the urge to go out somewhere and be in long trips. *refer to previous post on how much I love long trips* I wonder what causes this feeling constantly. Am I running from something here? Or am I trying to run towards something?

Well, I'm training not to think too much into things. So let's just assume that is I have those feelings because I always want to seek for excitement and fun things to do outside. Adventurous? I dont know. maybe? But then, why am I still stuck here in 'my' bedroom and typing this entry when I can go out and have 'fun'.

I contradict myself. Yet again. I love adventures but I cant get myself out of my house. whattaaaa...and say in situations such as I was hanging out with a bunch of friends; suddenly, I feel that I want to be out of here (there) and I'd say...hey guys..I have this huge ass migraine so I think I wana call it a night...and I went up to my room. Instead of sleeping I'd do dumb stuffs like drawing shitty art, writing pointless letters, crying or throw a tantrum in my room...

or maybe the usual case; my friends from work would say hey we're going somewhere to eat something, wana come? and I'd say nah...I'm gona go straight home...after a few times like that, they had stopped asking me...

thank God I wasnt the Blitz (refer to HIMYM) so there was few amazing things that could happen to my bunch of friends/crowd that I left. None of what I was told....or was there?.....Oh myyy what if I was the Blitz and was never aware of it??

HAVE I BEEN MISSING ALL THE FUN THESE YEARS?

ooohhhnnneeeuuuuuoooooooooooooo

[gasp]

[hold breath]

*I still love you guys nonetheless, barney*

Ah. Enough of the fake freak out. I am having fun my way and so whatever.

[in denial]

I'm planning to climb Kinabalu again. But mommy's against it. She gave reasons like 'what's the point? youve been there twice' 'the money can be used to pay ur bills/renovate your house/wed someone' and ultimately she'll gave a smirk and say 'suka hati kau la'...which is the point when I usually give up arguments with her.

no more long trips back home

i miss airports. but wait yeah, recently ive been to airports picking and sending friends off their planes. so missing airports is not logical. whoa.

but i mis actually boarding a plane. or maybe simply travel on the road for 3-6 hours, more or less. i miss that looking-out-the-window pose i could imagine a movie made out of it.

i remember crying when i got the news about my posting. (WHAT I GOT POSTED TO A SCHOOL 10 MINUTES FROM HOME??WHAT?? I DONT EVEN HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANY MAJOR ROAD TO DO THAT??WHATT) goes monologue while crying as if my cat died...(no i dont have any cats at the moment-face slap)

little that i know, the posting had meant a few more than i thought it would back then (coz i cried without even knowing why i had to cry)--it also meant: a terrible and messed up break up, and me being psycho-ed about the no-more-long-trips *back home*...i dont really mind the /back home/ part coz i still love the long trips back to the hostel/college/school (this is unusual for some of us who hate staying at hostels); as long as it long trips..i love long trips...i thot back then when i received the news, i'd just miss it. but now i am going crazy about not having it.

life without long trips sucks. big time. like this big. no THIS big. it sucks. really. maybe u, the little person (n the only one) who's reading this will say "apa susah, pigi ja la jalan, no body's holding u back". o yeah every thing's holding me back alright.

when i was in school, college, uni, long trips WERE NECESSARY. no matter how awfully terribly expensive the tickets were (or how cheap it was too) it's obligatory that i bought it. so no guilt there. but nowww?? it's one of those unnecessary purchases.

PLUS, back then, i wasnt having holes in my pockets. now, every time i put money in, it'll automatically go out. u know what i mean? you get u pay, n u have to use it directly to pay the bills n shit...damn.

"ok stop it, u whining bitch" says back of the head voice. fine... i know i shouldn't whine about my job my pay and my current life. its lovely. my life's lovely.

but i just miss the long trips ok....i miss necessary and unquestionable free-of-guilt long trips.

Merepek

Kalau dulu, orang-orang merepek dalam email. Memang banyak email-email forward yang merepek masuk dalam inbox; yang tidak syiuknya ramai yang forward lagi email itu tanpa usul periksa fasal content-nya... that's so yesterday bak kata orang-orang yang merepek di kala ini sebab kereta mayat sudah banyak cakap pasal email forward merepek yang dia perlekehkan... bagus lah tu. hindari perkara merepek.

Tapi susulan itu, untuk menjadi so-this-year and so-the-latest, orang-orang buat pulak benda merepek yang hampir sama cuma beza 'verb' saja iaitu 'share'. Dan iya semestinya dari FB (face-palm-book).. aku rasa, tabiat share ni bagus ba. berkongsi ilmu. membudayakan ilmu. tapi kadang-kadang, aku terbuat jugak face-palm bila aku membaca note-note yang mereka share ini.

tapi iya lah. aku mesti ingat jugak. setiap perkara ada baik buruk, ada betul salahnya ikut situasi dan ikut perspektif. jadi bila aku mau komen note-note tersebut, aku fikir jugak; takut nanti aku buat essay...macam ada peng-komen2 yang bagus dan bernas komen-nya.

tapi kalau komen essay kureng ? macam yang aku buat sekarang. post ini juga essay merepek yang tidak punya kepentingan. cuma ingin mengingatkan, kalau mau tekan butang share, ingat-ingat lah tentang tiga perkara (paling sikit pun)

1) content (isi). baik? buruk? benar? sahih? salah? kenapa? mengapa? dari mana source nya? disokong oleh fakta apa? sekukuh mana kah sokongan nya?

2) audience n the impact it will have on the audience (pembaca/penonton dan impak note/video tersebut kepada mereka). yang membaca nya ini akan faham kah? atau kah kalau aku share lagi lah tak faham orang-orang yang membaca nya dan menambahkan salah faham dan misconception

3) relevance. dan niat

*okay mungkin ini bukan in the appropriate order.mungkin jugak tidak cukup*

MORE FACEPALMS for all of us HERE

bila fikir balik, ok jugak la ada benda2 begitu. bolehlah observe tabiat orang. fahami macamana sesetengah orang berfikir. dengan butang share tu, lebih visible lah tindakan-tindakan orang.jadi kalau orang share benda-benda buruk dan tidak baik, kita boleh nampak secara live in the net. terbuka untuk kita menilai dan ambil tindakan.

daripada dahulu kala yang perkara-perkara buruk tersebar seperti wabak yang tidak kelihatan di udara. urgh. tapi hairan ya. berbanding dulu dan sekarang, sekarang lagi macam senang mau sebarkan perkara merepek. *ceh cakap macam aku suda hidup lama*

hmm..apa pun, selamat berkongsi ilmu wahai fb-ooker. hehe

Selamat hari Raya AidilAdha

december is not a holiday-month for teachers. no.

it must have been the sweet memories hunting me down (for weeks now) and finally getting on me...; because I have trouble sleeping these few days. Yearning is terrible when we can do nothing to do about it.

I hate to say that I miss Wellington. It'd sound douche and make me such an arse. because i judge people who say they miss a place where they had lived there for only short of two years; and i'd say they are just people who cant go on with their lives without boasting that they'd been there and they'd done that.

but yeah, maybe i'm that 'people' too. so i'm admitting it. i miss wellington. i miss kuala lumpur. i miss all the things that i thought i could've done better. i miss all the moments that i thought i could re-do differently.

maybe it's the hour. or maybe its the holidays. or perhaps its because of the end of the year. it makes you look back; just a little glance,

what a sad glance.

blog bukan rumah kau

aku semakin kurang update blog and blog hopping sekarang. nafsu menulis n membaca aku makin kurang. mungkin sebab nafsu aku byk aku alirkan pada lukisan dan menatap lukisan org.

tapi, setakat blog hopping yang aku buat; I came into a conclusion:

matlamat mencipta blog paling penting untuk membantu diri kita berbanding diri orang lain dan benda laen...

kalau kita asyik fkir pasal "ada ka orang baca, ada ka orang mau follow, klu ada orang mau baca akan dihentam ka aku, klu ada yang baca lagi bagus sebab aku nak porakperandakan orang, lagi ramai baca, lagi femes aku--aku gila femes"; kalau kita ada sedikir atau semua niat dan fikiran ini kita akan membunuh blog kita sendiri...

ada org yg buat blog utk membangga-banggakan apa yg dia ada (keadaan, harta, pengetahuan, kekayaan, kecantikan, kebagusan diri) akan mendapat ketenangan hati sebab dia rasa ramai akan baca dan memujanya dek perkara yang dia bangga-banggakan...

ada orang yg buat blog utk berkongsi ilmu supaya dia dapat mengerjakan kewajibannya utk menyebarkan ilmu dan supaya orang laen dpt manfaat.

ada org yg buat blog utk bisnes, supaya income bole masuk

ada org yg buat blog utk ekspresi diri (yg mana diri nya yg jika di ekspresikan di dunia sebenar bakal di maki dan di kutuk2, atau dirinya yg sbnrya tidak berani mau rebel di dunia sebenar) sebenarnya menggunakan blog sebagai medium utk melepaskan geram. seperti berak lepastu sorok bontot.

ada org buat blog utk bantu dia cari diri.

ada org buat blog utk ngelak diri dari bunuh diri.

ada orang buat blog utk semua di atas.

dan mungkin aku pun salah satu atau semua di atas. yg pentingnya, berani buat blog, berani tanggungjawab apa yang ada di dalamnya. kita ekspresi diri (dalam bentuk penulisan blog) memang seperti menunjuk diri utk di hakimi. mana ada manusia yang boleh mengelak dari dihakimi.

jadi bila sudah dihakimi (dikomen), bahkan dari pakcik makcik anon yg menjengkelkan pun, terima saja la. best jugak kan daripada blog aku yg sunyi sepi tadak komen, kan?

hehehe

aku sedar blog ini semakin bersawang. sebab aku rasa aku sudah kurang memerlukan penulisan untuk membantu diri aku sndiri.

mungkin sebab aku sudah ada aliran untuk meleterkan falsampah aku kepada budak2 pelajar aku dan kakak yang selalu tompang kereta aku ulang-alik sekolah..kesian mereka menjadi sasaran aku.

mungkin juga sebab aku sudah kurang gila mencari jawapan hidup. mungkin sebab aku sudah jumpa jawapan hidup cuma kadang2 masih boleh sesat meraba-raba dalam gelap.

apa-apa pun, sebenarnya aku dapat perasaan mau update blog pasal benda ni selepas 'terpaksa' mengomen 1 blog kerana dia mengutuk org macam budak2 marah lolipop dia kena curi. kesian.

moral of d story-mory. blog tu bukan cam rumah, blog tu macam kau bukak booth. orang awam keluar masuk booth kau, jadi kalau ada org masuk booth kau n lempang kau, terima saja lah.

yey.