Saturday, April 16, 2011

buruknya sekolah?

we can always see things differently. the things we thought are good--are probably arent that good--it can be totally bad. and the things that are bad; tearing our hearts apart; breaking the hopes that we thought we had in our hands--are probably the best things that could happen to us..

paham x?

for example: aku slalu marah dgn budak2 dalam kelas aku. refer to my previous post. ini secara langsung buat aku marah dengan sistem pendidikan di negara kita. sometimes i feel most things arent where they are suppose to be (whenever i am at school).. perasaan marah itu buat aku bertambah over-peka to all the small details in school and in my life in particular. and i was like picking up all the sad things; the unfortunate things; the heart-breaking truths about life...

ya. aku memang sebegitu pathetic.

tapi sebenarnya? at the end of the day; you rest your head on the shoulders of your 'home', look back; and then you'll see...

Allah. semuar perkara baik saja.
perkara-perkara yang aku marahkan sebenarnya ada eloknya.

Sekolah ialah sebuah institusi yang penuh dengan falasi. Aku rasa memang itu pendapat aku semenjak aku dibangku sebelah penerima sehinggalah aku di bangku sebelah pemberi...but, despite all my bad-mouthing about it, aku sedar yang ia juga sama seperti semua 'barang' buatan manusia. it reflects its creator. kita ni manusia penuh kekurangan. takkan mampu mencipta sesuatu yang sempurna. berbeza dengan Pencipta KITA SEMUA.

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seperti yang aku sentiasa ingatkan diriku dan yang lain bila mampu; kesempurnaan ciptaan kita sebagai manusia terletak pada ketidaksempurnaan kita..hm. ini sudah jauh dari apa yang aku ingin sampaikan.

fokus ku sebenarnya ialah; dalam falasi diri--falasi sistem pendidikan kita terletak pelbagai kelebihan, pengajaran, kebaikan untuk orang-orang yang mahu berfikir, mau belajar, mau mengambil sesuatu yg baik darinya.

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dulu, ada satu kali tu; one of the parents said something like this:
apalah gunanya belajar semua sains, fizik, kimia, biologi bila kau keluar, kau jadi akauntan.
or was it that line? i wasnt really listening actually. but his point was; some of the subjects learned by the students will be wasted therefore learning those subjects are a waste of time.

a few teachers and i was so hot in our seats listening to what he was saying.
im an English teacher. but where i was before this? i was in a Chinese kindergarten for a year or so; was in a science boarding school--learning Chemistry, Biology and Physics for two years and then continued my study in TESL studies.

i dont think it's a waste. not at all.
you know why?

coz when we learn something; we werent just learning the subjects; what we learn affects us. it changes our logic, the way we think and the way we go through life and it adds our common knowledge; and most importantly; it makes us ponder the greatness of Allah.indirectly or directly.percaya lah.

sebagai contoh: konsep inersia.
Inertia is the resistance of any physical object to a change in its state of motion or rest, or the tendency of an object to resist any change in its motion.

aku rasa antara semua konsep mudah dalam fizik, ini yang aku paling ingat. ia juga jadi salah satu kerepek yang aku jadi kan falsampah dalam fikiran-fikiran aku.
lihat konsep ini dalam real-life. lihat sos dalam botol yang di-jerkah menurun. lihat badan kita dalam kereta yang berhenti guna break. perubahan pasti akan ditentang dahulu sebelum diterima.

botol yang digoyangkan kebawah terhentak berhenti ditahan tangan. sos yang bergerak kebawah bersama goyangan botol tadi terus menentang ke-berhenti-an botol itu dan terjatuh keluar dari botol.

tidakkan ia mengajar kita sesuatu? tidakkan ia membuatkan kita berfikir?
itu baru sos. belum lagi knowledge pasal binari. pasal plente. pasal sistem pencernaan. atau macamana mau buka tutup akaun. ia efek jiwa. biarpun bukan pendidikan agama; ia tetap efek jiwa. sebab semua pengetahuan pun datang dari Maha pencipta.

tapi itu pun kalau kita mau belajar.

aku belajar berdebat bukan untuk jadi politician. tapi ia mengajar aku menjadi pemikir-sisi-yang-lagi-satu..bukan sesuatu yang boleh dibanggakan. tapi aku sentiasa mencuba.

ha. i always found myself almost crying over simple things at school--macam kerja banyak, tugasan banyak, tekanan dari pelajar yang berharap, tanggungjawab yg berderet2 (tambah lagi tanggungjawab di rumah yang baru) tapi bila air mata hampir hilang; baru aku ternampak everything the other way around. kerja yang banyak dan tugasan yang banyak mesti latih diri aku jadi lebih 'tahan-lasak'. tanggungjawab disekolah dan rumah, dan harapan anak2 pasti buat aku tertolak dari comfort zone aku. sebab aku tidak mahu fossilized dalam belajar pasal hidup.

haha. merepek di hari sabtu bila banyak lagi kerja sedang menunggu. aku cuma berharap kita semua dapat memberi peluang kepada perkara-perkara yang jelik di mata kita; manatahu kebaikan akan tertunjuk dari nya. sama seperti sitem pendidikan negara kita. yang penting; kita sebagai 'pengguna', cuba mencari apa yang terbaik bagi kita.

my dear students; learning and knowledge are never easy--as all the other precious things that we have to struggle for.

Friday, April 15, 2011

tidak faham

Dulu, aku masuk bidang perguruan ni ada sebab juga. Well, sort of. Sebab tersebut ialah: aku mau tolong remaja-remaja yang menghadapi masalah macam aku hadapi masalah dulu. Sebab aku rasa, masa sekolah, aku kurang dapat pertolongan. Or so I thought.

I thought that I would be able to help them as I wanted to help the past version of me. I thought I would be able to do so because I thought I would understand them as I thought that the problematic students and I walk in the same shoes.
But all those thoughts: I thought wrong…

I once again confronted one of the problematic students in class today. Two actually. Two from different classes.

In one of the cases, I could clearly see how his face was full of anger towards one of the discipline teachers who had issued a warning letter to him. And the other one; he was cold; barely showing any emotion. He couldn’t care less. He simply said; “Aku nda mau belajar suda…Malas.”

Dalam kedua-dua perbualan itu, aku terdiam dan berfikir: sesungguhnya aku tiada sedikit pun kemampuan untuk memahami remaja-remaja ini.

Keluarga kau kacau bilau? –tidak.

Hari-hari kau tidak cukup duit ka?—tidak.

Apa yang kau cari?—enjoy la,cikgu!

Kau tidak mahu ubah nasib keluar kau?—mau. Tapi aku malas.

Kenapa malas belajar?—malas la cikgu.

Sampai bila mau begini?—ntah. Sampai besok.

Why they do what they do. Why they are angry. Why they are lost. What are they searching for—I have no idea. It was totally different from back then. It was totally different from my case when I was in school. I felt helpless for I feel that I could do nothing to help. I could not make them change their minds. I could not help them to understand the perspectives of the people (teachers) that are actually scared for them.

This is the new era; of course. Even though the age gap was only 9 years; I could not barely touch their minds nor their heart. How can I be sure of that? Because they always have something to say back to me. They were adamant to stay that way. They are sure that they are at the right side of the ‘line’. They are very self-righteous.

I asked them: do you understand how fucked up your life would be in the future if you keep being like this?

Their answer is: “yes. I know.”

“That is my point. You know. But you don’t understand!.. ‘cause if you do understand it like I understand it, damn it, you’ll be scared as shit!”
Ok. Not that harsh, though. I’m a bit softer now. Haha.

Kesian anak-anak ini. Ke mana lah arah mereka nanti…