cinta kecil. little love.

It's so amazing that this little one fits your hands and arms so right...
this little one seems so small one time
so fragile that you have this sudden rush panic
and you wished he would just be back in your womb
so that you can protect him from everything

and this little one can seem so big on other times.
so big that you feel your hands shaking
the weight unbearable that you lost yourself

It's amazing.
how much a person can depend on you
how much he needs you for everything
this can either empower you
or break you

ada degup jantung di sisi pipiku bila aku mendekat
laju dan berirama seperti lagu

lembut sutera kulit tanpa celanya
ada senyum naif yang memaksa aku kuat
cuba melindungnya dari segala
walau aku tau
pendek lengan ku tidak mampu
merangkul seluruh hidupnya dalam satu pelukan

tapi aku cuba selalu ingat,
bukan aku yang punya kuasa
tapi Dia.
ini cuma amanah dan aku berusaha atas kudrat ku
untuk terus melindunginya
semampu yang boleh

i miss this

i want to feel that

it has been a while. hai.

this blog got me thinking, you know. i was one with loads of things to say and write back then...and now, look at this crappy blog i cant say anything anymore. and i realize, when i arguing with people, i let go more easily now. i dont know why. i envy people who are still good with words and can say what they mean out loud and get people's responses.

maybe its the new surroundings. meaning my husband? hahahah ..hm.. meh~

anyways. with this new life-schedule i have (im a new mom btw)i am blessed with some time to re-discover myself.. as u know, pressure can squeeze heck a lot of things out of u.. and it seems that the pressure that this little cute human being squeeze out of me is the force to search for the person whom i thought i was before...

so, what did i re-discover? i re-discover my passion for music. the layers of sound that can be so harmonious with my feeling and nostalgic memories...since i was 12, i cant live without my walkman (then cassette player, now mo3 player) but since i got married, i left it alone in its case. kesian. so, i got back into it, i dont really know what made me, but i started listening to kings of lambs. i finally can digest it, (i couldnt when it first released) and i dont know what the heck made me click on that youtube to listen to Adele.

but gosh, i surely am glad i did. she's super. one thing i can say about her that made me like her is that she's just like radiohead.

trus jadi brain damage sbb nda dapat digest apa persamaan adele dgn radiohead. ok la. this post isnt suppose to be about music. so i should just leave that for u to figure..

*tiba2 baby iyyad buat bunyi comel--caiirrr kejap grrhhhhh took 5 minute to cry*

so i was saying,..while i was watching adele n listening back to radiohead n other bands i used to love to listen to all the time-- i thot...it is probably the best feeling to say/sing/write/draw/make anything etc etc and really mean twhat you say/sing/write/draw/make that thing etc and have the whole world (or many people pun jadi la) to share it with and make them understand what you mean and go say "hey, i feel that too" or "that's exactly what i was thinking!!!"

you know?...

maybe that is what our generation is aiming for..especially our youth and our teenagers...including me!! (i am so young) ...u know..that great feeling of being able to express ourselves and share it with the whole world and be understood...

i want that. i wish i have that...
draw comics and have people cry reading it (like i did reading that drama-genre comic while i was in welly, cried because it was abo0ut someone's daddy)...
write books and have people go through a roller coaster of feelings...(like i had when i read that book by that someone coz its about some sad family)
give speeches and have people agree with you and saya "yeah mannn!!" out loud..but i aint no man, and i rarely listen to speeches..hah
write and sing songs and make people cry too....

i guess...the key is to have that bizarre effect is simple...

it's honesty.
plain honesty. jujur, tulus, ikhlas. dalam apa juga kita buat. wearing our hearts on our sleeves...then we can express ourselves, and have people listen.

what a feeling.

sakit

aku mau terangkan sedikit fasal komik ini.

Apa yang buat aku dapat idea itu ialah, cases when some of relatives or friends or friends' relatives had to go through the same sh** of going from doctor to doctor to be told that they are just fine; nothing wrong; most after just a bit of twitching here and there. or worse, they are told something is wrong with them but nothing can be done. In some of these cases they do end up with a disclosure. A doctor finally really give a damn good check up, found something, explain what it is thoroughly and in simple-comprehensible explanation and some of the options of cure/treatment and help them choose one.

kemudian aku sambungkan idea tu dengan fakta yg kita org malaysia ni kadang2 tersalah pilih jalan alternatif. Ya itu usaha, tapi kita mesti bijak memilih. jangan sampai menyimpang jalan. tapi sejujurnya, aku boleh fahami kenapa kita begini. orang yang sakit (sakit sangat nih) akan cuba cari jalan untuk menghilangkan sakit itu (dan tidak berulangan). ini bermaksud mereka perlu lebih dari pain-killer.

dan orang2 kita yg sakit ni, kadang2 mencari jawapan yang 'masuk akal'. yang mereka boleh fahami. jadi bila doktor menerangkan seperti "oh, ini biasa ni. kamu sakit dududu. jadi ambil ubat ni (pain killer)" mereka akan masih punya ruang untuk berteka-teki sendiri. sampai lah bomoh2 bagi mereka jawapan yang mereka boleh relate. "si polan hantar itu ini untuk sakitkan kau" walaupun ini lebih out of this world (sbb berkaitan dunia makhluk halus), dek kerana background kita yang memang memercayai alam ghaib, kita lebih boleh relate..kan?

mereka akan rasa, ok lagi bomoh ni, dia terangkan semua. bg ubat 'elok2'..terperinci.

*raise eye-brows*

sedangkan---suruh macam2, humban syiling di sungai madai berjumlah rm300? makan biawak? baca mantera pelik2 yang tak jumpa di mana2 di lembaran Al Quran?.. hurmm...tapi alternatif ini lagi perasan-jitu dari doktor2 yg bagi-muka-aku-tak-kesah-pun-kalau-kau-mati-tapi-kau-mesti-bayar-yuran-consultant-dan-ubat2-yang-aku-sendiri-pun-tak-yakin-betul.

kan?

jadi, doktor2 tu terangkan elok2, "makcik, yg sakit begini dan begitu selalu nya kerana begitu begini. ini di panggil sakit lalalala. atau mungkin sakit lilili, mari saya cek dulu, kita tengok mana yang lebih tepat. (tidak lama selepas itu). makcik, kita sudah dengan yakin yang sakit itu sakit lalala. bukan lilili. jadi, makcik ada beberapa pilihan untuk menyembuhkan sakit ini. pilihan itu ialah blablabla, mana satu makcik rasa makcik nak?..(beberapa lama lepas itu) ok, makcik..macamana progres? (dan terus cek dari masa ke masa)

adakah aku terlalu demand untuk meminta melalui proses sebegitu bila pigi doktor? hmm..

ya, memang bukan semua doktor begini. kalau tidak, tidak lah cerita di atas berjumpa penutupnya dengan menjumpai doktor pakar yang (duit pun pakar) menjumpai jawapan sebenarnya.

dan bukan semua jalan alternatif salah. Ada ustaz2 yang menggunakan Al-Quran semata untuk merawat. Dan kita tau yg ayat2 AlQuran itu dari Allah untuk kita. penawar jiwa raga.

tapi itu lah. kesimpulan sebenarnya ialah; sakit akan datang pada kita sebagai dugaan dari Allah. apa yang datang selepas itu ialah pilihan kita.

dan sebenarnya juga, kesihatan itu pun dugaan dan cabaran bagi kita yang selalu lupa Pencipta kita dan suruhanNya.

*sob2...sy slalu sakit. mudah2an sakit2 ni bantu sy cari jalan pulang dengan lebih clear.

just a monday speech to be read by one of my students

Assalamualaikum and a good morning I bid to my dear teachers and my fellow friends.

Most of us here think that going to school is a guarantee that we will succeed. Sometimes, when some of us skip school too often or play truant, teachers told them if they wanted to succeed in life, they have to come to school. At other times, when teachers ask students why they come to school, they say they want to study so that they will be successful. But, unfortunately, they show little or no effort to study at all.

When teachers say “you should go to school so you can be successful” it actually means a lot more. To be successful, going to school is just the starting point. It is only the first of a list of things to do before you can be successful inside and outside of school. Today, I will explain to you about six things that we need to work on in order to really strive to be successful. Of course, for a start, go to school. We should avoid skipping classes or school days, by all means. That is the first step.

Now, once in school, we have to remind ourselves that school is a system where grades are always the priority. Therefore, we have to, firstly, pay attention in class. It is the place where we will receive all the main information about the subjects that we take in exams. We have to make sure that we understand the teachings of our teacher. After that, we have to work hard to get good grades. That includes making sure that we do all the exercises and homework given. We also need to put on extra effort through learning from extra books and finding extra information from other resources such as the internet, the television and magazines.

Other than learning about the subjects for the examinations, we should also learn values. To a certain extent, school is a perfect reflection of how the real society will look like when we go to the university or into the working life. Therefore, we could observe how we should be part of this society. For example, we should learn how to respect the people around us in school; just like we should later in our working life. Here, we should not only respect the teachers, but our fellow friends and other students too. Juniors or seniors; it doesn’t matter. We should also respect the non-teaching staff such as the clerks and the dear cleaners who we owe so much for keeping this school clean and tidy. When we respect people around us, we will be in good manners. We will behave. The value of good manners is also important everywhere, because it will, most of the time, keep us out of trouble.

Now, having intelligence and good manners is still not enough. The third thing in the list of being a successful person is to learn a few important skills. The skills include social skill, creative and critical thinking skill and risk-taking skill; just to name a few. To learn skills such as these is very important because once we are out there; either on our way to the tertiary education or to the workforce, we need to communicate well with other people using our social skill. We also need to think smartly about where should we start and how we can progress using our thinking skill. Risk-taking is needed when we have to make choices and as we know every choice has its risks. Know them well, and we will choose the right choice.

Fourthly, we should try to understand our surroundings. Gather as much experience as you can by joining in as many activities as you are allowed. As the saying goes, “experience is the best teacher”. Going through many activities and events will definitely help you to learn fast about how the world and the things in it go about. People who act too childishly are people who restrict themselves from experiencing more. They will have little meaningful insights of the world and will be too immature. Some of us might argue that there are several examples of people who go through so many things but are still immature and shallow. This is because they go through their experiences blindly. We have to think about and evaluate those experiences; don’t just have them. Reflect on them. Think! Understand! And make them positive experiences.

That aside, the fifth thing is we should try hard to know ourselves – our strengths and weaknesses. This is very important too because us, ourselves, are the core to whatever we do. And to be successful in the real world is to be clever in manipulating and improving your strength, in the same time confronting your weaknesses and turning it into something good. For example, one is good at cooking and has the passion in it. But he is weak in mathematics. He, then, should work on improving the cooking skill and in the mean time work on mathematics. How? Maybe he can manipulate his cooking hobby to learn about mathematics. When he has good results in SPM examination, he can pursue his tertiary education in culinary and become a great chef!

Finally, we should always realize that the basic of life is the spiritual aspect of it. And the only way to flourish our souls and spirits is to always try to stay close to our creator; Allah. Islam is, by all means, beautiful. If we try our best to be good Muslims, we are no far from being successful. In fact, being a true Muslim is being a successful person. The teachings of Islam are so broad that it touches every aspect of our lives. If we follow it closely; we will realize that it is a great way of life where we will be trained to be humble, disciplined, hard working, loving, kind, and intelligent people. And as we strive to be the best, we will definitely stumble upon difficult times. But if we stick on the basic of life, we will be just fine.

There you have it, all six important things to work on if we really wanted to be successful. In a nutshell, one can conclude that if we put our head and heart and soul into it, there will be nothing to stop us. Insha’Allah, we will all be successful people one day. Thank you.