to accompany u reading this silly and pointless entry is a song by marcy playground. a song that i really love to listen to in the 90's. macam lagu weng...sex and candy.
i have no reason what so ever to update this blog.i dont have any idea, nothing to tell (well, none in particular), no secrets to share, no nothing. merely because im bored and im here. i just wonder, u know, people say they wont get bored as long as they have the internet...i cant understand these people.i mean, i cant empathy to them.im not criticizing..i just..really, i just want to feel the same way as they do...but the fact is, im bored as hell with the internet. it as become my subconscious act to turn on my laptop everytime i walk into my room.i'll sign in my yM, open a few tabs to check my emails, my accounts and probably a few links. n then...nothing...after a few minutes i'll found myself staring at the screen thinking about other things n at those moments after checking out all those usual stuffs, usually after 15-20 minutes, i'll think "the internet is just another public space where you will feel totally alone and bored out of your mind no matter how pact it is with second chances of second lives, full of information, full of fun n games n whatsoever they do with the internet nowadays". n so i got that thought almost everytime, everyday when im in it, such as this particular moment.
im bored as hell.
n i think about u all the time.
things seem out of their places but i know everything is actually at their right places.i shouldnt feel stressed.i shouldnt worry.i shouldnt go wacko again.
the truth is, i feel that i lost myself.i admit that im not where i expect myself to be.i admit that i am not in control of my own decisions. the truth is, i never am sure of what i am doing, what i should be doing, what i will be doing and i was never sure of what have i done.i neither can say ive done them right nor regret them. the truth is i never had a plan.even if i had, i always forget to follow that plan. thus, therefore, and that leads us to the conclusion,--that----i admit that i think to a certain extend you are right. no, wait, i think you are right. i admit that i am wrong. coz the truth is, i am still inside my own white, small, lonely room when i thot i have been rescued. thats a stupid thought btw.to think that i will be rescued.to think that i need to be rescued.
3 more weeks.n i probably wont see this land again coz im not sure i even want to come here again.even for the graduation.i cant be sure of anything anymore anyway.its an agony to think that we have to wait.to think life is about waiting.Amoi is the first person that i found to say "let time show u things"...u knwo..like...we'll just have to wait and see...nanti a..tengok a nanti..ntah la, tengok la nanti...to say later, nanti, wait, tunggu, masa...masa...timeeee...i have been avoiding agreeing to Amoi..but then, more and more people, i meet and befriend, are the type of waiting people, the time-people..the later people...maybe its just that im an impulsive person (a little maybe, a lot? ermm...im not sure..again..not sure..) tahts y i cant really absorb the idea of waiting.but thats just the fact sometimes.we just ave to wait.learnt it the hard way.
and so...yeah.this is just another transition phase, i guess.i'll make it through alrite.i'll woke up one morning and pretend ive never been in NZ.ive never met u or no one else.n memories will be just memories.
did i learn anything while im here?
i sure did learn a lot.
but
anyway.
tomorrow's just another day.
and im just another face in the crowd.