kerepek kawin

i really dont want to blog about my wedding and preparations. but i really feel like 'talking' now. alone. talking out loud. put my thoughts 'on' something...

some things are settled, some still on hold. biasa aja. i can continue with checking on the test papers; i can continue with the drawing-commissions; i can continue that sketch; i can do that postponed-laundry; darn--best of all i can sleep. i can do loads of other stuffs. but sometimes, there'll come a point where your body just resists doing anything. your body tired. your emotions blurred. your thoughts tangled. too much in your head that you need something to clear it up.

and now is one of those 'sometimes'

no. drawing cant do it at the moment. neither can reading. let alone marking those papers. hah. so. blogging it is.

the long excuse-making:why-i-had-to-blog-away-my-life introduction...again..why o why do most 'amateur' bloggers like me had to have that feeling n that need to explain why we need to blog at times? shucks.

anyways.

was nodding n dozing off in meetings and classes (whilst checking exam papers and invigilating at the same time) the whole week. sleep-deprived yes. aihh. n now i just refuse to sleep coz i cant get enuf of this new-found song...its just haunts me so.

..about love.

u know that feel?--when; u know, before this, u thot that u know how it feels when u love someone. n suddenly--this new feeling--is sooo much better than that previous love-feeling; its better in ways u cant describe..n now; u cant even put it on words. u cant even brag about it on shout-outs on facebook even u want it so badly. even if u dont mind people will throw up when they read ur thoughts on this new feeling--u still cant put it out on words. even when u r willing to take that risk of being labeled cheesy. or mushy. just to announce how great u feel about this feeling...

but it's all in vain. coz u cant...ure unable..

all u know is it's weirdly calming. u dont have to fight a war for it; coz its there. No. it doesnt mean it's boring. it's even adventurous.it's always new. ..and..argh. fail for words again. thot of putting songs on a list--songs that can help me express my feelings now; but nah. not one song can hidsadsadas

im blabbing.

fine. im just happy that im marrying someone i love dearly.

that 'dearly' word--is used for lack of a better expression...

when i say i love this man; i love him. you don't know how glad i am that he is the guy...

i tried to explain this to him--and he simply said; "nah--im no special guy. it's u. it's the timing. you've gone through a lot--it matures u; n then i found u when u're already a great lady"

well, sort of that sentence. maybe i exaggerate a bit at the end. :) but still, im awed..

btw here;s a story. for the sake of killiing time.

an awesome-weird thing happen today.

i seldom listen to the radio; nor do i watch tv. so i barely know what's new n hot with the music scene nowadays...but i switched to radio mode this morning n 'accidentally' listened to a very gilak-hebat (for lack of a better word) song--i cant make out the words n thus later, i fail in my quest to find that song through google search..naik gila jugak trying coz i was really haunted by the song. suddenly, baru tadi, hati tergerak nak bukak justsuper..n there; written a name of a singer. i dont know why i searched it on youtube. chose a video n--well, well..watdayaknow...its that song ive been searching since morning.

lovely.. :)

oh i know. this feeling is--pabila drifting off to sleep di atas sebuah bukit, di bawah pohon rimbun, atas rumput hijau dikelilingi bauan kehijauan dan kesegaran udara..angin pelan tapi sejuk..rasa selamat dan tenang. sunyi yang tidak bingit.senyuman tipis yang terukir bukan sebab apa--tapi sebab gembira yg tenang...rasa syukur.

ia cuma rasa: OK. ya!! ia perasaan yg: OK!! itu saja.

O. K.

rasa yang seperti: "things gonna be alright; no matter how bad it gets--we'll b alright." iya..begitu...

eh. aku bukan penyajak. dan cinta ini tidak membuat aku menjadi penyajak. *refer to previous post*. aku org picisan saja.

*senyum tenang lagi*