rants on books

i always puzzled myself about why i dont buy books that often/easily.

i have always wanted to buy books on arts, drawings and handcrafts. But i never had the money and the guts to spend a handful of money on something i'm not sure of its importance. uuh. that made me sound like i dont care about art. i thought about buying art-reference books because art is important to me. it's just that i'm not sure that i cant continue on drawing without one.

okay. fine. we know i can. we know everybody can. but we also know that i can improve my skills with the help of [some] book(s). that's only logical. although that's the case, i cant help myself from hearing these whispers: "you wont go blank without a reference book in art--not like science or history or language" ..or... "come on..you can figure that out yourself" .. or .. "that amount is worth a few weeks of food on your table during school-hours ie canteen".

and i have to mention, i was reminded by a distant friend's blog last night about the book 'girl with the pearl earing'..i read the book in 2006 [it's really good] and then i watched the movie when i was in Welly [it's as good as the book]..and i just had to watched it again after reading my friend's post and i notice one dialog exchange that suits me pretty well now.

it goes a little something like this

'does the books show u what to paint?' Greet said.

Vermeer laughed. and then replied 'hm..it helps'

im no daughter of rich ppl (not even of considerably-rich ppl) to be able to stomach the thought of giving money for books that i can live without; though i am now with my own paychecks, the habit of refusing such purchase still lives inside me; so although i REALLY want an art book--or any book for that matter, i still feel this 'guilt' when i wanted to buy one*.

and so what happen to the importance of art? im in no state of privilege to be surrounded by hugely-talented family members, my siblings are but they're also amateurs like me and i am no close to libraries full of art-reference books--[only when i was in Welly],(not forgetting the scarcity of art-supplies here) but i still have the internet. and for that, I am so grateful. i stopped wanting to buy them books.

haih. waz and her indecision.

so i guess, for now, i will continue on hoping that one day i'll break that barrier between me and buying art-books.

as for fictional books. it's very difficult for me to find books that i really, really love. and i dont want to waste money on books that i'd read half way [coz i will only finish reading the books that i REALLY love ie thought intriguing, with light and understandable drama and conflict, a bit philosophical with a touch of romance, creative/weird/that X-factor, maybe a bit/a lot of depressing/simply sad things--depending on topic, a good cover, and at most times--must be in the first person view]..mmg susah!! huhu

but anyhows, i know fictional books are plenty in local libraries...(?)

urghh.

so, there. i only wanted to share on why i still dont even have a full shelf of books even though i love sitting in the middle of libraries/bookstores and feel just like how it'd be in my imaginary home.

reason lain: kedekut??

*bila dibesarkan dengan pemikiran yang duit itu sangat susah untuk datang, dan cuma boleh membelanjakannya pada benda yang 'penting' saja, memang susah untuk tidak mempunyai 'guilt' itu. sedangkan coklat pun aku takut mau beli..tapi bila fikir balik, banyak saja benda kureng 'penting' yang aku sudah 'wasted my money with'..(?) maybe because i wasted so much in the past that i am more afraid of purchasing these things now?... nta.