A few hours on the writing (for today, it's been 4 days already) then, while reading something more about depression I got this phrase stuck in my head:
..being too inwardly focused.Yes. That's it. That is exactly why we can't survive a heartache normally. That is why we can't make through that cloudy day without hurting ourselves. That is why we can't cope with that sadness.
Because I was being too inwardly focused. I think too much about my heartaches, what I can't do anymore now that my heart is broken; what had happened to me and why it shouldn't have happened or why something else should have happened instead; how this or that person is to be blamed for what had happened to me; how I am stupid but everyone else is stupider; how I deserves this or I don't deserve that; how life is not fair to me.
Even when I know that He who created this life and this world is All-fair and Most-Just...? Even when I know my knowledge and my reasoning; my thoughts, my calculation, my interpretation, my contemplation of which is better or which is not--would never enough to reach and understand His real plan?
Tsk...
So, where was I?
O yeah. Being too inwardly focused. So, the conclusion is simple. We turn it around; and be focused outwardly too? How is that? Beats me. But here is a suggestion:
A Day in The Life of a Boy by ~mlauritano on deviantART
I've written something about imagination a few weeks back, I think. But I have to babble about it again: Imagination and creativity in thinking is something so powerful that it can help us to NOT be too inwardly focused. Because we soar pass the boundaries of our own life bubble.
Keep ourselves busy with something else. Do things we enjoy. Appreciate what we have instead of hoping to have what we don't. Remember that we are here and what had happened are all because there's a bigger power than anyone of us.
If the black cloud is blocking the sun from us, we soar pass that. If the rain's too heavy, we'll soar pass that to caves, to houses, to places we can keep warm; wait till the sun shines again and there'll be the rainbow. Awwww....
Then we can see a wider picture of things around us and the happenings that happened to us. We can see that this (ALL this, though how little 'everything' is actually) is so much more to be taken for granted by being sad all the time and by hurting yourself in ways normal people wouldn't think of.
Even if being happy requires conscious effort for me...
I want to be happy.
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Just like this kid here. I witness her ability to imagine. She talks her own language, she tells stories *bersungguh-sungguh* She plays on her own just as if she has this whole world that we, the adults, could not see...
