I just feel the need to update my blog today. Bcoz ive been sitting and drawing for too long-- I feel my eyes are gonna pop out. so I think sitting and staring on the screen will definitely be a good reward for my hard work. Owh yeah. right. And plus the flu and headache; my work-stress mounts on; hence the need to brag about every tiny thing that came across my mind during the hard work.
First:I thought about the phrase ‘see you later’ or ‘see you soon’ or ‘see you when I see you’. Definitely lovely phrases. but then i thot: the imprecise implication of when exactly that time of see-ing comes will just exaggerate the waiting. Then the beauty of these phrases instantly vanished from my mind.
Second: I thought about “risks” and the syndrome of NOT taking risks. and I don’t know why that I just realize this now but there are too many people around me, including meee, are suffering from this syndrome. We avoid risks like neo dodge bullets.
I readlly don’t know how exactly to put my thoughts properly on words but let me just babble around and see if you do get my point.
Sometimes, we are afraid of taking a different route just because we are very used to the road that we are walking on. Even when we come up to crossroads, we’ll just take the one road that lots of people had said to have less trouble, less risks. And at other times, we even stop walking just because the road up ahead of us is full of risks.
we stopped walking! (?)
think of all the things that we might find by taking a different route or by keep walking on that risky road… of course we might get hurt, might lose something, might get lost, but those are the collateral damage that might get us to that ‘better’ point/phase/place…cant you see?
we learn the poem ‘the road not taken’ in our high schools,right, maybe you should just recall what you’ve learn *or start analyzing for those who didn’t learn it at school*maybe there’s some similarities of what Im trying to say.or not.
So..herm..maybe that is obvious for all of you. But my personal point is that..hurmm..every day, I feel like I have to make a decision, *lots of decisions but this particular one is currently the most important to me* whether to stay or leave..and I was wondering—“did I just take on the less risky decision today?"
Hey…but then…*changes mind* maybe, every decision has risks..even the decision to stop walking.. it is just the matter of which decision is more cleverer…or was it all about benefits???
O-my-God..did I just got lost in my own point? tssskkk....Screw that..it’s just my insignificant point of view anyway. *in a very bimbo way of saying it*
Then,
third: I got these series of words, phrases..flashing through my mind while I took a break at noon just now.on the right are possible explanations of why i was thinking those thoughts.
without a real reason: a line from faust arp by RH
you wore red pants: Thom was wearing red pants in a show. i wonder if i wore red pants
pick up the garbage: my head's a mess.too much irrelevant thoughts like garbage
left me in the dark.
sun rise,rain drops: these days, usually, the sun will shine in the morning, but it will rain in the afternoon
hold your hand: no explanation needed
hold my tongue: i cant talk
have a question: too many questions unanswered
fall.
and also these phrases. what's IT? i have no idea.
it's an addiction.its a sickness without cure.
it's a paranoia.
it's a contradiction.
it's the leap off the highest point of your life; it is the free-fall.
it's the best crime.
it's the runaway; it is the hiding.
it's the wolf.
it's the night when there's too much light.
it's the aching sensation of a thrust in your chest.
it's the breathing.
it's the sighing.
it's the thinking.
it's the numbness of your feelings.
it's the forgetting not the forgiving.
Then I remember,
fourth: I don’t believe everything tht people call facts. Coz I think some facts are always something that people still can manipulate. But then I watched this show on tv yesterday i think n I find this fascinating:
this is difficult. i dont know where to start.
maybe we should start with Einstein's general relativity theory
he thought that that was the theory for 'everything' and 'everywhere'.
then, came the quantum mechanics theory
Einstein never fully agree with the quantum mechanics theory because of his stand about scientific determinism, but he did some collaborative experiments and it resulted in confirmation of the quantum theory.
this theory also claimed to be the theory for 'everything' and 'everywhere'.
so there cant be two such theory. and Einstein was still obsessed with finding a unified and simplified (physics) theory that can be apply/describe the whole of the universe and everything in it. one theory. so he tried to 'combine' those two theories or atleast try to relate them. but because these two theories basically contradict each other, they cant actually be unified to be one.
he tried hard untill the day he died but he still didn’t get to realize his dream of the unification.
i probably got all of that wrong.. but what is wrong; what is right? those are theories anyway and Einstein's history is written by humans too. so go do your own extended homework if youre not satisfied, but that's what i think i understood from that show.
and so this small ‘fact’ that you guys probably have known since you were five really fascinates me. and so, after watching that it made me think about lots more things… and I sort of linked it to all of my limited and very shallow knowledge of the world..and of course, I came into the exact same answer: the main point of this entry
Hurm. so i came to the conclusion that: I have forgotten again, haven’t I?
and another thing,
lastly: when i wasnt thinking about those stuffs, *which actually means most of the time* my mind was actually filled with the thoughts about one single soul.
tsk2.degilnya waznah.
Aku berdiri di atas bayangan hari-hari nya
Kadang hingga aku hilang tubuh sendiri
Adakah itu indah
Adakah itu celaka
Susur emosi dan tindaknya
menjadi pasak akal dan emosi ku
sejujurnya, dia ilham ku
adakah itu indah
adakah itu celaka
adakah indah dan celaka itu berbeza.
okay.muka aku rasa cam dah bengkak.
sekian, slamat malam/pagi.