Conclusion (part 1 and a half)

I’ve been staring at this screen for awhile now… writing drafts after drafts … trying to create a written text of something that might really portray my feelings for the inevitable ending to our undergrad life.

But I don’t get any satisfaction from those previous drafts. This is my fourth one.

First and foremost, I sincerely am thanking each one of the hundreds of lives that touched mine throughout the entire five and half years. I can imagine in my head of those faces… Not just the IPBArians but also the WELLINGTONians that somehow are the catalysts of where I am standing now and who I am inside out.

To write those entire people's names here would be absurd. So, I’d do my thanking with this method. If you are reading this; try to answer these questions in your own heads:

1. Have you ever converse with me? *face to face, texting and chatting and commenting and calling are accepted* or even said a simple ‘hi’ once or twice to me?
2. Have you ever talked about me?
3. Have you ever hate/love me?
4. Do you still hate/love me?

If you say ‘yes’ to more than two of those questions, then know this—I am; in my deepest understanding of humility and love, saying that I love you, no matter who you are; and I thank you with all my heart because—you, in some ways, have touched my life and made me who I am today. Though I am not proud of this self that I become, but I dare say I am someone and you made that happened.

And to my lecturers (ipba or Victorian) who probably wouldn’t say ‘yes’ to any of those questions, and who most probably wouldn’t read this anyway; I still want to say: I love you. Every time I passed by you guys, or listen to you giving lectures or simply talking in front of us (your students), you all make my heart melt to the ground and made me so humble to imagine the uncountable knowledge you have passed to us. *in the occasions of me with a straight mind*

Haih.. the yearning…And I kept thinking of a conclusion. And the conclusion is?

I love undergraduate life. The period of which we can (to a certain extent) live in blissful life as an ignorant. The time when immaturity is still, in some ways, forgivable. And also the time when dramas are still bearable.

Conclusion for final year:

For most of my life, I was pretty sure of my stand and perceptions and beliefs and self-made theories that I developed in my mind; as the effect from the circumstances I had been through. But this year, all of these—everything that I have, is challenged. For real. Hardcore style.

For example: I crapped a lot about seeing things from other people’s perspectives and about my ability to empathize. But the ugly truth was unfolded: when the worst situations came, I realized I am not good enough in those things. I realized how much it is hard to do; a lot harder than to make people understand about them.

Another example: another ugly truth was—I wasn’t really aware of my high ego and my inability to trust and my tendency to see (only) the worst case scenario of basically everything that happened to me or related to me… tsk..

And my realization of this ugly truth were only possible with the existence of a few ‘new’ characters in my life this year, and a few ‘old’ characters that just played different parts in this phase of my life... so thank you..thank you…

ARGHH! This is still not good enough! But what the heck. I’ll post this one.

Thank you, thank you..