To further understand this entry, please refer to HIMYM fifth season, episode—I forgot which episode but it’s when Barney thought Lily and Marshall were getting a divorce because he witnessed firsthand that Marshall washed his own dishes right away.
Why we (referring to a couple in a relationship/marriage) will fight over a dirty sink? 'Simple', because we are in a relationship. The combining and relating of two different beings with different set of expectations, principals and beliefs…tentunya susah…sometimes I almost believe that it’s impossible—like oil and water.
But other times; I am hopeful. And that is why we stay together. That ‘other half of us’ lights up our hopeful side.
To be truthful, though I am on cloud nine at the moment, I am sick of writing and talking and thinking about relationships. But heck, we are either in it, wishing that we are in it, despise being in it or trying to ruin someone else’s ‘it’; so why not waste another hour or two or my whole night writing and thinking about it. Because I couldn't really sleep anyway.
Situation 1. A Jack and a Jill. Loves each other, no doubt about it. Say that they live together *jangan la buruk sangka, sudah kahwin mereka ni. Suami isteri sah* and for Jill, she hates a dirty sink. It matters so much to her that the sink stays clean, especially when she wakes up in the morning. So, it's annoys her that Jack refuse to either help her clean it, or do his own dishes right away.
Why would that matters so much for her? For most girls, I believe that you feel her, right? But let’s keep her reasons for wanting a clean sink unstated. Because I assume, most guys do not really understand why. Especially Jack—her husband.
Okay. With the example of a sink (dirty or clean) we already have a situation in which there is a probability for misunderstanding to occur: Jill really gives a shit if the sink is dirty, Jack doesn’t. And he doesn’t understand why Jill cares about it so much. While Jill doesn’t understand why Jack couldn’t understand.
Paham kan?
Situation 2.*now let’s use a scene in The Break Up as an example* one night, there’s a little family gathering for dinner at their house. After everyone left, Gary jumps straight to playing his video game. Brooke wanted to clean the kitchen *and the sink* right away so she can go to sleep and wake up to a clean sink.
*lebih kurang la, aku lupa dialog sebenar* She said I am going to clean the kitchen. He said okay. She said, well, I’d love if you help me out. He said wait, let me finish with this one blablabla. And so, then and there started the fight. A classic scene.
Coming back to the question why we’ll fight over that dirty sink. A dirty sink matters so much to Brooke. But it doesn’t to Gary.
Brooke expects Gary to willingly (out of his love for her) offer to help her do something that matters so much to her: clean the dirty sink.
Gary—just came back from a tiring job just wanted to relax and do his favourite thing: playing his game, expects that Brooke will do all the work on her own because she didn’t work as hard as he did (she worked at an art gallery).
It’s obvious, right? The different expectations? I can’t say that it is one or the other’s fault to have their expectations as they do. Having expectations is inevitable. I’ve talked about this in my previous entry.
But one way or the other, because of those expectations and different thoughts; we’ll fight.
But somehow, if we understand that some things matters so much for our spouses even though we don’t understand them, and we, as their loved ones should support them, we could lessen the ugliness of our fights.
Situation 3. Another example is Barney’s analogy of wanting the replica of the Sistine Chapel to be painted on their (his and Lily's; if Lily is married to him) ceiling. (Somehow this example is similar to the example brought up by the couple in The Break Up too). If he wanted it, does that make it her job to paint it? Similar to the dirty sink—if she wanted a clean sink, or hate a dirty sink; does that make it his job to clean it?
Of course in all ways, it does not. But because it matters so much to the girl that the sink is clean, she expects him to help. On the other hand, she knows that if painting babies on the ceiling matters so much to him, she’ll help out. Because that is what couples do—to share the burden and to care even for the considered-as-pointless things. Because that is what commitment is about.
And then please refer to Barney’s further elaboration over the silly dishes: “look, I love you..but baby, with the little energy I have left after work, I wana shower you with looovveee..not wash some silly dishes”..
With that; I can say two things.
One. Lily (as the representation of most women these days) works too. With the little energy left after a day’s work, she could still clean the house, cook dinner, and shower him with looovveeee..why can’t he help out a little with the dishes?
Two. To shower her with love, Barney can wash the dishes. Through that, she’ll feel extra loved. Not just through his actions on bed.
Aku ingat aku hendak bebelkan fasal nasihat macam mana nak kurang kan bergaduh –distracted tengok Radiohead perform Paranoid Android. Ketinggalan ka kalau aku masih rasa ini lah master piece diorang? Tak apa lah. Balik kepada fasal tadi, aku sedar yang point entry ini bukan lah untuk aku bagi tips bagaimana kurangkan pergaduhan. Aku tak layak.
Jadi aku rasa, fasal gaduh itu, aku sudah tidak dapat tolong. Aku cuma nak illustrate kenapa 'kita' boleh gaduh kerana sinki yang kotor. Kesimpulan: sebab aku kesah apa yang kau tak kesah, kau nak aku tak kesah apa yang kau tak kesah, aku tak kesah apa yang kau nak kesah, kita tak kesah apa yang orang lain kesah.
Lalu kita berkesah-kaseh-han.
Sebab sy sayang kmu.
Cerita ceriti kerepek karut ni boleh diaplikasikan dalam hal-hal lain selain dirty sink. Duh.