It’s funny that I couldn’t sleep at times when I think I need to sleep the most.
Like times like this.
There’s an imaginary screwdriver being stabbed across my brain. My body’s tired. My mind too. My feelings are numb.
I don’t really know why it is funny, I just feel that it’s funny. Or I think it’s funny.
All I can do is just lying down—some minutes pass by and I just realize I am still wide awake and my eyes weren’t blinking.
I wonder why people think I am too negative. The truth is, I have to confess, most of the time I think I am optimistic. I can be filled with hope. Even if I am an awfully depressed pessimist as claimed, I am probably the most optimistic of the depressed and the pessimists.
(-.-')
But am I being an optimist now? Well, actually, that’s the tricky part. You would know that you really are an optimist or not during times like this. You are going down shitty path—everything seems so sad to you. But you are smiling instead of frowning, you say “I am okay” instead of “ntah la…”.
Haih. That word “ntah”. Dia memang bagi kesan dalam sampai aku terlebih guna perkataan itu sekarang. And I didn’t really realize it until just now.
But well.
Being an optimist is having the tendency to look more on the favourable side in any conditions—even during miserable times.
So let’s try: favourable sides—I am still breathing, I am given a reminder, and em…em…etc.eetc.tce.etc.
Ya. Ya. Ya. Ya.
I am being redundant with all my entries’ topics. But hey, I am showing a pattern—a pattern that you can make out (?..up?), and ‘know’ about me and my life, apply it to yours, and learn something through it.
Whatever it is, I hope people who read this could just pray for me to get well soon.
Ps. Congratulations to those who just came back from Bersatu. Really wish I was there. Gold for netball—yeay! Akhirnya!!
Ps 2. Please watch V for Vendetta again. A beautiful movie.
Ps 3. 4months and *trying not to* count(ing)... thanks for everything.