How far would I go if I am in a fight? As far as it takes to win/lose.

I wasted too much time these few weeks before practicum ends. Tsk. I bet most of us would start thinking “hey, the 12 weeks are already going to an end…time flies…I didn’t even notice it. It was too fast.” I thought about that too. But while I am saying “thank GOD!!!” for that, some of us will instead say: “I’ll miss practicum” or “I hate leaving my lovely kids...”

I am not saying that that sounds corny…well, yes…but I am also saying how I am jealous of you guys for being able to have that to say. Because all I know, all I am feeling is that I can’t wait to be out of that school and out of the practicum period. I don't even think I will miss the school or the experience of teaching there. Is there something wrong with me??

Well, I said I wasted too much time because I realized I have no enthusiasm left in me since the week I was observed thrice. I think it was week 8… yeah. I guess, my gas tank has already been long empty—no more fuel to burn me, to fire my engine, since 4 weeks ago. You may think to yourself, I give up too easily. Well then, YES! I confess.

I do give up that easily. But I did not stop doing my lesson plans or my teaching aids or my handouts and other materials... hey, in that sense; I actually haven’t given up the fight. But I just gave up on trying to satisfy other people or trying to figure out why the kids don’t want to learn or how exactly to ‘tackle’ the issues identified with these children. I lost every question that I thought of trying to solve in week 1 and every answer that I hoped to find.

So by saying all that nonsense let me start to further ‘tackle’ the 'issue' of

relationship sucks.

Come to think about it, yod actually had really just put a bad joke on me. This is because, now, what came across from his request for me to tell him that relationship sucks was:

you (as in hereby ‘me’) can show me how relationship sucks because you are in one. So by seeing you or talking to you (more of debating with you) will remind me of how sucky it is to be in a relationship.

Damn it. He made fun of me and I didn’t even see it.

But anyway. Yes. I won’t deny that being in a *romantic* relationship sucks sometimes. The same as being in anything for that matter. Let say a friendship. Being in a friendship also sucks sometimes because being friends also means setting up some expectations in our heads. Even unintentionally. Expectations that are not as demanding and as high and absurd as a romantic relationship can be—but there are still some expectations. And sometimes, that cause things to be a bit messy too.

My point here is, if you want to see the sucky point, you could see it anywhere. Because you search for it. Maybe the fact was actually, that friend of mine was too chicken-shit to get back into the game. So, he search for so many excuses to say that being in a *romantic* relationship sucks big time. Hekhek...Hekhek..Hek... No offense. But I mean it.

So I just want to add what I wrote for the comment reply. The way I see a *romantic* relationship is:

• opening up to someone does mean that you are opening a way to let that someone to have some sort of power to being able to hurt you. But to what/which extent (that power's effect) is totally still depends on you and not on that someone. As of my wise friends had said "don't give in too much that you give too much power of your life to another person." Make sure you are still the one who is 'the driver'.

• If that partner really is a good one, then opening up to him/her only makes u stronger instead of vulnerable. Because (a) two heads are always better than one as said by Clyde and (b) s/he will give you the biggest support s/he can. But the only way 2 know s/he is a good/suitable partner for you or not will be by opening up to him/her first.

• Deciding to be in a relationship is like: to give in or to give up. If one tries to give in, one can either lose or win. Like going to war. You can either die or survive. If one let go from the first place, he already lost a chance to either lose or win and could never know of his/her actual chances of winning or losing. Ever. But of course, if one survive through a war, the scars (physical or mind or emotion) will be there *the after-effects*. But ain’t the scars (or the incident that caused the scars) what taught one about life?

Okay. I am too high already.
Crappy. Crappy. These two days, I only slept for a total of 3+ hours.
I should stop.

Owh, owh. I almost forget. All of those, what I have said, were all my personal opinion only--based on what I have experienced and what I am experiencing, what I noticed from other people and what I hope to see in some. It was totally based on my own thinking and my stand.