There’s something about the way last week’s final three days went*I would not call them weekends*. Should I call them shitty days? Well~. Not really. I somehow feel that those three days were so meaningful in a very bittersweet way.
On Thursday night, something awful happened. Wait. It wasn’t Thursdays. It was Friday. The morning. Too early still to be called Friday. It was suppose to be our half-a-year anniversary. But some terrible truth was revealed and I spend the whole day dehydrating myself through my eyes. I know it’s not good. I was fasting. But well, my mind was blocked with sudden realization and a sudden flash of panic and paranoia. Thanx a bunch.
As a result, I got my so called morning bell *migraine* and could not go to school. My whole face was ‘swollen’. But it was a good thing after all—at least I saw some part of some truth. And I just knew that I haven’t really changed. Like some things and some people who don’t really change too. I need to work on some things about my rationality and maturity.
That night, I followed some friends to my Clyde’s friendly match for Saturday’s Futsal open tournament. It was great too. The next night—the tournament. Though Clyde’s team lost both games, I was enjoying myself in the sense that *just like everytime I followed him to futsal games* I could simply watch boys play futsal. No, not that kind of watching—seriously, boys playing futsal, it’s like…it’s art. I wish I can play like some good players, some good teams.
So, because of that plus being around my Clyde, both days were really great. Beeteedabelliuw, the feeling is not the same with watching football/soccer.
But wait! I haven’t told you the best part—meredah hujan on that Saturday! Cold, fast, adrenaline-pumping, lights all around beautified with bids of waters on helmet’s visor, vision blurred—perfect.
And during those days, I collected a few new ‘I like(s)’ to go into my list… I also learned some sort-of-new things about myself, about my relationships with others and about my work, my needs, my wants and my rage and my habits, where I came from and where it lead me. It was a long final-three-days of a week. An awesome ride, I must say. But I could not see it that way if it weren’t for my friends and my Clyde and Mom too. Though they were part of the reasons I was down for a bit in the first place.
One more thing, like I said before (wayyy before), one can be the smartest person in the whole wide world, but when it comes to that time: when you are really down, you can turn to be the most pathetic, irrational, angry, ungrateful and insane person.
So, what I have learned this time was: you *as in hereby 'I'* should identify some place you can go to and some people you can hold on to. Find the root of your problem instead of just saying "I really don’t know why!!!-...I feel this way" or "...this happened that way”. So when that time comes around again, hopefully, you could at least be a bit more rational and steady.
I also learned that I learn better during crisis—I learn better through the hard way. I mean, I learn things the hard way and that was my preference (?). Darn.
And I just wish I can always say what I wanted to say to the people I wanted to say those things to—just like other people that seemed to always have their way to freely say things and get away with it. No matter how ironic they seem. Lucky you.