And that was it. At that moment I wasn’t angry anymore.
Kids, you may think (that) your only choices are to swallow your own anger or to throw it to some one’s face. There is a third option—you can just let it go. And only when you do that, (that) it is really gone and you can move forward.
-How I Met Your Mother, ep.6, season 4.
Other than feeling that being angry makes people look stupid; I have another opinion towards anger—I am tired of it. I am tired of being angry. This is because I am surrounded by so many people and things that can make me angry and people whom I easily perceived as angry.
But I thank God for giving me all these things and all those people that kept on pushing me to be angry—because if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t grow tired of anger and of being angry. And if I had not grown tired of anger, I wouldn’t have been forced to learn how to let go.
One of the not-so-new-now things that had become one of the so many sources that could make me angry was the students in dear 2 PEACOCK. Yes. Such name. You should meet with the students in it. They sure do suit their class’ name—the original name and the two words that can be derived from it. Seriously.
Ok fine. The name was actually 2 Merak.
Anyway. Week 1: was trying to be strict. They wouldn’t let me. Week 2: going softer a bit because they were not giving me any easy time being strict. Week 3-untill recently: …being angry with these kids means screaming and punching things because they were just to0 disrespectful, they undermine me and were just too disruptive.
And the worst part about it was that I will bring those feelings and anger outside of the class and back ‘home’. And the most dangerous part was it (being depressed and angry at the same time) could affect (and had affected) the relationships between me and the people I love.
So, realizing this, I knew that I had to find a way to just let things go. I needed to relax. I needed to at least separate the school world from my personal world. This is far contradictory to my previous belief—work is always personal because I put my heart into it and because it is personal, it can never be separated from other worlds of mine. But well, I changed my mind because I have no other choice. I will lose if I don’t. But seriously I don’t know how.
One day it struck me, as I was walking down towards the gate, that one particular face in the crowd could make everything (all the anger and rage) just seem so far away… we talked about it for a while.
I know it (the disastrous lessons) were not entirely my fault. All that effort—that was the best of what I can do at that time. And I know I can always try better next time. I’ll take it day by day.
And that’s it.
I let go. I went back home and I tried hard to prepare another lesson plan with new materials and somewhat new approach from a different angle—with a new hope that this time it will be successful. Even if it doesn’t, I can always find that face in the crowd at the end of the day.