Someday, hopefully, you will understand that life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So LOVE the people who treat you right and forget about those who don't. And believe that everything happened for a reason. If you get a chance, take it; if it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it would be easy, they just promised that it would be worth it.
I didn’t write that. I wish I did. Well, it seems that Fatin has summed up whatever it is that I wanted to say all this while. I mean it. I really wanted to say that; all that, to you, you, YOU, you and you too… *points to the mirrors and windows that shows own reflection* and maybe you too, dear readers.
No offense, Fatin, but let’s face it—the whole thing is a cliché. I love clichés. I just found that out. We’ve heard it somewhere or somehow from someone through some way. But we often forget about it. Or maybe it just didn’t hit us as it supposes to hit us and make us really understand it. I wish I really understand that and remember it all the time, apply it to my life and maybe live by it. But that’d absurd. I’m just human, and human stumble.
Anyway. It’s great to be reminded.
So. Back to me.
I promised myself, I’ll have a small time for myself everyday: it doesn’t matter what I do during that self-time—draw something, play Benjamin, write something on paper or update my blog—as long as I spend a little, at least half an hour for this. It’s important because doing something for yourself is what keeps you sane during selfless times like this Practicum time.
I’d go crazy if all I do is trying endless trial-error experiments to ‘win’ the kids and the teachers and my supervisor… we try so many things to win all of their hearts. But not ours. That’s why I think I need to feel a sense of achievement or a sense of grip on myself by giving some room, some time for me-me-ME.
So, last night, I started drawing. Something that I have abandoned for a long time. Thanks to Iman, a friend from dA who inspired me to draw with one of his pictures. It is a superb close-up portrait of an old man smoking. His eyes are so distant and it’s obvious that the old man is thinking too much… the picture is strong and it filled me with emotions. Hence the decision to draw it.
But drawing it is far harder than I thought—moreover I am just an amateur. But once I started with a drawing, I could not stop thinking about it. It’s like solving a difficult add-math equation. Once I started, I couldn’t stop until I get the right answer. When I got the wrong one and I had to stop, I’d keep on repeating the equation and its possible steps of answering until I manage to find the wrong step and get back to the book.
Then, to stop myself from keep on coming back to the drawing I started with this instead.*big grin*
Keeping up with everything is hard. It’s tiring. But keeping my sanity is even harder. I thought I was going crazy. Yeah. Over-reacting. I know I can keep on trying to do the things that I am suppose to do as long as I force myself to do it. But forcing would mean an aimless-unconnected-distant-from-ourselves job to do. It'd push away my sanity. So for the sake of my sanity, doing something that I love and I know I’d do voluntarily is vital.
Heeekkkkk… and that includes writing here. Being able to pour my thoughts here is such bliss. So please don’t take it away from me.
*on my knees*
please...